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I couldn't sleep.

 Jennie i upset with me,

She's not mad, at least I hope she's not mad. I tried to stay and listen to why she was upset but she said she didn't want to talk to me right now. Hopefully that means she just didn't want to say things she didn't mean. I tried to sleep. I really did...but after rolling around wide awake for 15 minutes, I took a shower...I wonder what it is about a 4am shower that makes you feel better. Well. not completely better. Whenever I know she's upset and theres nothing I can do I get this...twisting rolling knot in my stomach. I'm not the perfect boyfriend by any stretch of the word. in fact I consider this my first attempt at really being one. 

She can't wait for me to grow up, and I can't wait either..I wish I could speed the maturity process....I'm 21, but the fact that my personality could be completely differeny by 25 both scares and intrigues me. Anyway I just felt like I needed to get some things off my chest...talking about this makes me feel a little bit better, so please excuse my rant.

She said that we haven't been talking lately, and I didn't understand what she meant, we've talked nearly every night, I feel like I've been attentive to her needs, and we even took a big step this week and started voice chatting...god that sounds lame doesn't it? A big step in our relationship is that we're talking over the phone rather than Aim, but for us I think it is. I love the sound of her voice...especially when she does this little sweet/syrup whisper that is apparently reserved for her cats ^^;;, but I think it's cute. I've started working at PlusOne communications, and my training had me working 4pm to midnight mon-friday for two weeks, and now I've got a schedule that's more accomdating to us. But still I want to be there for her when she wants to talk to me, when she needs to talk or just wants to hear what I have to say...It kills me that she thinks we're not connecting enough...I miss her like crazy when she's sleeping or not online, and she says she shares the sentiment. I know this is probably just a little fluke...I'll have to try harder to let her know how much I love her and how much she means to me. She scared me last night...she has been feeling emotionally depressed lately...and when I asked her about it she simply stated "I don't like long distance" ...My heart raced, I panicked..but then she assuaged my panic when she said she was not breaking up with me because it didn't make sense....Is it weird that I felt so crushed when I thought that...that that was an option she was considering?

I love her, I need her...she is my angel, my muse...my world. and I just want us to work, we will work. This job has put me on solid footing to persue our relationship. I won't let her go...unless her mom shoots me, cause she has two guns...


November can't come fast enough damnit. 

 

Later Nights - 

Musak, and other stuff.

I feel like crap right now...Mostly because Jennies upset with me and I feel off-balance and insecure when I know that she and I are not-connecting well, especially when the last week or two with her have been a big bundle of bliss.

After our Mini-breakup thing she really let me in, not to mentioned said the big 3 word combination ever couple tends to trip over, which was a big heart-render for me....I've said it alot before her and she always told me that she could never say those words to another internet relationship person again, as she had been hurt to many times. When we had our last big fight that resulted in a mini-break up and such, we both lasted about a day before we flocked back to each other, and then she said it...and I was elated. on top of the world. We've been very close since that day and I wouldn't have it any other way. Differences aside I truly believe 100% that she is my everything, My muse, my lover, my soul mate if you will, if you'll excuse the overused term. 

I'm not a perfect boyfriend, I'm not to fantastic in the looks department, which thankfully she overlooks, I have a rather off sense of humor, and I enjoy video games far to much for my own health. I try to devote myself as much as I can to her, but sometimes my mind wanders, I'll be on facebook or playing a game or not even at the computer, and I forgot to say brb or something and she feels hurt...or worse that I'm purposely ignoring her, which of course I would never do....It upsets her a lot...which upsets me a lot because I feel like the most vile piece of trash on the earth knowing that I hurt her inadvertently or otherwise...She linked a video that she proposed to be "our song" I understand the significance of this kind of decision, I listened to it and I found the message in the lyrics to apply sharply to us It's www.youtube.com/watch if you want to give it a listen. Understand that I don't have a natural affinity for music, I drive with the radio off, I own no MP3 player or any CD's besides comedians and any song I do like begins with the sentence "I like this song that goes err....crap...I forgot". Anyway Unfortunately this was one of those times that my mind just....wondered off and I did my own thing...and I wound up not responding for about 10 minutes. When I saw how hurt she was by this I just...felt terrible...

Part of me says I should leave her alone....and the other part of me screams that I need to be there and take my lumps and make everything better....it's very conflictory...I love her, I want to be there for her, and I want to own up to my mistakes...But...it seems whenever she is upset...she acts like ever word I try to get in is offending her even more and more....and eventually I just give up...I don't want to give up, I want to stick it through until I feel secure that we're ok again, I know ever couple has their fights....Am I acting naturally? Is my behavior normal? I try to ask these questions to myself...I just want to be there for her....I just want to hear those words come out of her mouth, that I'm not a screw up and that she still loves me....and she still wants me to be by her side.

Sorry for the depressing vent...I just needed this to get out to someone...anyone, even empty air.

 

Later Days/Nights 

~Ara

 

Tags:

Treading Water, At least I'm not drowning

Sorry for the week passing by with no updates. been a bit of a nonsense going on here and there, I really have no excuse. It's not like I've been frantically working or anything, but I'll get into that in a minute.

So anyway. after orientation I worked a few days, they've got me slavering over the grill area, which I hate with a firey passion, and I hope they move me asap because smelling the sub-grade meat grilling all day and the myriad of other things on the grill that cook, quickly makes me nauseated. Teresa my general manager so graciously went on vacation before putting any of the new people on the schedule, luckily I was able to cover a few peoples shifts so I got SOME hours on the damn check. but still looks like on the 24th, I'm getting a measly 100 bucks. Which is already spent. because guess what. my plates are expired.Yep, driving around on my uninsured and now unlicensed vehicle! go me!

So yeah, I have 100$, 50 of it instantly goes to new plates for the car, another 25$ to get a new drivers license because I'm 21. which leaves me 25$ to do what? You guessed it. fuel my vehicle until the next payday, which hopefully will be worth a shit. *Sigh* sorry didn't mean to vent but it really irritates me that this is the way it turned out. I didn't expect to get a huge check, but I really wanted to work and at least get 40 hours on my check. and because I get paid bi-weekly. that's 20 hours a week, which is not out of this world request in my opinion. Enough about work, talking about work irritates the shit out of me.

Let's see here, what else to talk about. Oh! Um...I think I'm finally done with WoW, it's not that I hate the game or anything, but I find little enjoyment in it nowadays. I try to level with Jennie and shower her with in-game wealth when I can, but besides the obligatory raid that I suffer through or getting on to give Jennie things. I find I'm not sure why I logged in, or bored with the game. And I can't afford to pay 15$ to keep playing when I hardly do anymore (Of course I haven't actually paid for my subscription in like 8 months, special shout out to friends who footed the bill for me because WoW was for a time my only solace in the hell of my life)

Jennie got her wisdom teeth pulled out on Monday the 10th last week...poor girl she's had a really rough road so far. It's taken her alot longer than I had originally quoted for her to start feeling better. I'm trying to show her I can be supportive. but..alot of times this week I feel like I've made her feel worse or alienated...I'm still learning to tread carefully with what I say. Sometimes I feel like I said the exact right thing, but then it turns out it was the exact wrong @.@. Not gonna get into that to much here.On the upside we're doing quite well in my opinion, spending more time together recreationally and both of us free'd from certain stress inducing activities in our lives has done us good ^^ (Plus she's much happier when she's around her puppies and kitties)

How am I doing? Eh...I guess I'm alright. Title of the blog post says it pretty well, not to bad pretty much. taking good things as they come around.

Alright, I'm wrapped up for now, thanks for listening.

Towel Buckets

Yes the intricate act of filling a bucket with soapy water, and putting sanitized towels in them. That is what i learned how to do today at secondary orientation. That and sweeping/mopping and washing my hands. Alot of stuff that is just common sense, but they have to "teach" us how to do it right. I was a little peeved when Craig critiqued my handwashing skills "That was good, but before you turn the water off. get a paper towel first from the dispenser, and use it to turn the valve back. Touching the knob to turn the water off with your washed hands exposes them to bacteria again, so you gotta do it over" And then...he made me do it over. -5 points to Craig.

I also learned some other basic things, and got my uniforms and hat. which was all well and good, they actually had my size (The shirt is made of some material that doesn't feel like cloth >.> it's itchy as hell. So I'm going to need to wear an undershirt. I don't look half bad in uniform. and everything fit well. I go back in Friday for an undetermined amount of time. I'm going to be trianing to be an overnight worker. So I have alot more to learn than the average trainee. Since half my shift is lunch, and half of it is breakfast. I have to learn how to do EVERYTHING. @.@ But i don't mind.  That just means I'll have the knowledge required to be a crew trainer/shift manager in a few months.

I'm taking a break from school soon. Probably after this class. though I might go one more. Not entirely made up on that yet. I need the summer as a break, and so I can build up a financial base. and perhaps move into Emily and Bob's last available room. which I'm not decided on quite yet.

Other than that, I'm feeling ok. I'm...not completely happy with wear I am. But I am not gainfully employed. and money makes the world go round, and will get me where I need to go. My head and body have been hurting alot lately. I get these weird sharp pains on my sides for no forseeable reason. It's odd. but I deal with it like everything else.
 

Also going to the eye doctor soon, I'm gonna get some glasses while I'm still on my moms kickass super insurance. Because as much as I don't like admitting it. I'm nearsighted. All those years sitting 3 inches from a screen have come back to haunt me. But that's ok. I'll get some sexy glasses and rock them. because last time I tried to put contacts in. I pinched my eyeball, and that hurt. so screw that.

Baiiis

Long Time no See - Updates and whatnot.

So, I suppose I've got some explaining to do, seeing as it's been over a year now since I've updated my LJ with no discernible explanation. The short and Narrow? i got busy. Really busy. Wound up getting a full time job, working there and burning myself out completely. then Quitting said job. Starting up school again and then Unemployed for 6months. It's been a rocky road, but not everything has been terrible.

So, where am I now...

I'm going to college right now, my 2nd attempt at such a feat. Stark State really wasn't my style of education, and the combination of half-online courses and have campus courses (Which was 40 minutes away and I didn't live on campus) combined with my fulltime job in Twinsburg (Which is 40 minutes in the OTHER direction of the college) Really began to wear on me. I can't focus on that many things at once. My schedule quickly divulged into sleep, school, work, sleep, school, work. Rinse repeat. The few days I did get off was just entirely sleeping to recover from being so stressed and burnt out. So I tossed that to the curb. I withdrew from Stark State and tried to focus on soley working.

That was allright for a time. but then as I came into work every single day for a 9 hour shift. I worked for Universal Electronics Inc, which is a company that manages cable/internet companies technician requests, basically you call the customer, and see if you can fix it over the phone. and believe me, people hate that. Seriously...if I can fix it over the phone, why are you essentially flipping me off over the phone because you want to wait 6 days for a technician! (While voraciously complaining that there are no earlier technicians over there) So terribly sorry that you said it was unnecessary that we bury your cable line because nothing would happen to it. and then your grounds keeping crew mowed over it and you have no cable. sorry fucko, we'll see you in a few days. No one seems to be able to accept that Same-day appointments don't exist. Anyway kinda ranting, When we called. people just wanted another nameless faceless voice on the other end of the phone and I was sick of it. I realized as I dragged myself into work everyday (12:30 - 9 PM, god awful shift. Where the fuck did my day go right?) I wasn't happy, and not the just general dissatisfaction kind of unhappy. The fact that as I looked around, there were people who had done this same entry-level work well into their 40's. I couldn't stand the thought of working there and bending over and saying "How far would you like to shove the stick today sir?" Because I didn't have the damn slip of paper that says I deserve a decent job.

I quit...seems to be the way I handle alot of things. I don't like admitting it. But the story of my life is it has always been easier to fall down and lay there than to get up and continue (Unless it's a video game >.> because you just reload your last save file if you die. Except for WoW >.> and them some mysterious angel lets you live anyway for the upteenth bazillionth time because your the stalwart hero of the land running around with the 11 million other stalwart heroes of the land) Anyway. So I quit UEI. In hindsight I wish I had given it a little longer. Because I made pretty good money there (11.75$ hourly, which is like 4 bucks above minimum in Ohio) And I have terrible spending habits. I buy frivilous crap, I buy fast food for every meal when I have cash to burn...It's pathetic. and when my mom or my brother or a friend goes. Dude...a month ago you had 1200$ from your tax return! where the fuck did the money go. And I sit there...and I just have no idea. my stomach? I guess? a bunch of stupid shit I bought for online games? It's pathetic.

So, basically what I'm trying to say is I quite UEI in October, and I was out of money by December. Very sad since I had like 2 grand saved up and fooled myself into thinking I could scrimp through half a year with it. The money I received from financial aid helped some at school. but 400$ every 3 months is not my idea of easy living. So I enrolled in Brown Mackie.

Brown Mackie College (BMC) is an accredited school that has a unique learning style, and it fits me almost like a glove. I take 1 course a month, go 3 times a week for 4 hours a class. and receive credits earned at the end of the month. It works realy well for me. At least it did for quite a while. the first 3 months were just brilliant. A in Professional Development. A in Computer Applications. A in Composition 1, The 2nd semester...I was really starting to hurt for cash. It was really beginning to be a choice "Do I have enough gas in the tank to get there and back' the answer quickly became no. So I started missing classes...and then...I failed Psychology...I failed Sociology. I passed Business with a C+ though...but only because the teacher was very understanding of my plight and allowed me to turn in a heap of stuff late. I'm in my third semester now. and It's not looking good. I just failed Psychology...again. I just simply can't afford to go...It's really depressing me. I am making an effort to go now that I'm re-taking sociology though, I came into enough money to get me enough gas to get there most days.

Anyway. getting ahead of myself. Backtrack to December. My mother loves me to bits. My step-father....does not. After much prodding and constant nagging by him my mother was bullied into kicking me out. I'm fairly sure it broke her heart to do this. I was not placated by the "It will be better for you this way, and your never going to develope if I let you live here" I could see if I was just living there and congealing in a puddle. but I was going to school full time. After my mother kicked me out, I lost the financial crutch that I had. Which is why my attendance became so shoddy. I don't blame her. She loves tim. and if me being there was causing them to constantly fight and argue, I'm a big boy. I can't hurt her like that. She sees what she sees in him. Love is fickle like that. I view him as an egotistical alpha male control freak asshole. She does not share my sentiments. Anyway. I left at the end of January, and moved in with the person who would take me in. My dad.

I hadn't talked to my dad extensively in years. and to be honest this was the first time I had seen him for longer than a tense/awkward dinner around the holidays. It was an adjustment. We're talking about the guy who charlie horsed me in a very unloving way if I failed to answer a question of his correctly. Who verbally abused me consistently through childhood. Who burned nearly every bridge with all his other blood related children. He had changed alot. He was gentler now. I can still see some of his old self in him. mostly when he gets stressed. Starts to yell...spouts cusswords everywhere. threatens etc. But for the most part. He's just trying to live and build the bridges back up. So i moved in and it has been...ok actually. We're basically roommate buddies. We talk about stuff. He cooks dinner every night (Which is awesome because I am just awful at cooking, or if I have cash I just say fuck it and go to subway) We're financially rocky right now. My dad is a substitute teacher at the moment. And he's lucky to work through the week. with the addition of me adding to the food bill and electricity (Since I'm always on the compy) he's having trouble making ends meet. and was before I even arrived. He does know a few people who have given us some breathing room on our mortgage so they aren't going to take the house away (This month anyway). So for now we're doing ok.

Another uneventful birthday, I'm 21. I got taken out, I got alcohol poured into my face. and I slept on bobs couch that night. But no honorable mentions are necessary. Eh, in my family once your over 18, you fall off the radar. birthday is just another day. and I'm ok with that. You can't expect to be a child an be showered with presents and money and special attention forever. It's part of growing up.

Now pretty much up to current day. I've gotten a job. nothing glamorous, Just the newest employee of McDonalds.Doing...whatever it is I'm going to do. Orientation was today, and I was panicked and freaking out because Tony (General manager) had hired me right at the interview but did not have the papers I needed to fill out before orientation. So he told me to come back on Friday last week. I did. and he forgot to get them...and told me to come Sunday, I came sunday...and he forgot again >.< so I was hyperventilating half-expecting to be turned away at orientation because I didn't have the forms already filled out. Teresa was very understanding, and said Tony forgets stuff all the time. She sat me down and I wound up staying an hour after Orientation ended (which means I was on the clock and thus made another 7.45$, which is my rate of pay now) And scheduled secondary orientation today from 4-6pm.

Also, I didn't mention, but she definately deserves a mention. "Whatever happened to Jennie" Well we stopped talking for a time, for some odd reason. I don't remember. but it turns out we started talking again in Jan/Febuary. and have blossomed into a relationship of sorts...we're not official. I don't think either of us are ready to say it's that when we're still so far away from each other. But she definately keeps my going, and we go through a couple thousand texts a month (She had to increase her phone plan to unlimited because of me! @.@! My first major goal this year is to go see her, and believe me I can't wait.

So that's pretty much my last year. right now I'm waking up, Jennie's helping me through my troubles and I'm helping her with TWC (The stress reduction part of it anyway) and right now. I'm ok with where I'm at. Is this where I want to be in another year? No. but we'll see where the time takes us.

Thanks for reading - If anyone is reading.

 

Birthday Came and Went


And was exactly what I thought it would be, another day in April. I talked to my dad for the first time in 4 months, albeit through text messages and he seemed the only one interested out of my peers/family in actually getting me a present. And it's hopefully going to be cash greenbacks I can use to live a little....within reason...but y'know not just molder in the basement...go out! have fun...see a movie...somthing I don't know. My birthday comes but once a year...and every year it gets more dissapointing, my family is old-fashioned...and once your 18 you sorta fall off the radar at any present giving holiday (IE the good ones, XD jk, halloween is good to). On the up and up, most of my family at least WISHED me a happy birthday....though I don't really know how it could have been anything other than just another day when no one was interested in hanging out/providing the means to make it a good one.

Job search is going...well let's face it lousy...with the state of things it seems as soon as someone puts up a Now Hiring sign, by the time I get my application in all positions are full...or on the offchance I see it first I get pushed to the side or ignored when I call back to check in or somthing. Or I get sucker punched by some 45 year old with job eperience who just got fired from his high-paying job, now stealing my entry level/minimum wage position I need. I'm very bitter whenever someone brings up the whole job thing...It's a very VERY raw nerve that people like to poke all the fucking time. To add insult to injury my sister just got a job as a Gypsie for the rennasaince fair, the first job she applys for she gets. Isn't that a punch in the face...granted it's somthing she's good at, but she hardly even wants it.

Ummm...let's see what else...going suit shopping later today, will take some piccies if I remember because I need the suit to by a Groomsmen (That the term?) for my brother when he get's married on Saturday...I've never been much to look at, let's see if corporate clothes can make everyone else's eyes sting less.

I'd really like to work on my physical body....I wish I owned a Wii + Wii Fit, at least then working out would be fun. I can do things if it's fun! But going to the gym (which I have a membership to for some god-unknown reason) the idea of that just kills any enthusiasm I have, excersize tapes? no thanks...Big bulky machinery? I'd love to, especially some of the new ones but they cost hundreds of dollars. Specially formulated diets? I don't have the will power...I know it sounds like I'm shooting every single option down due to it requireing effort/long-term commitment/Sacrifice...because I am....I'm going to the doctor next week to see if she can prescribe my old meds again...maybe they will get some of my motivation back..

Enough Moping for now I suppose

Later Days, Later Nights ~ Ara

A Long Awkward Trip Home


Is what I suffered through on the way home tonight from my brothers bachelor party, Don't get me wrong I had fun, and it's HIS night, and I'd go it again knowing exactly what would happen beforehand, we went to a computer center where my brother drooled for 90 minutes (20 minutes after they closed before FINALLY purchasing somthing (Motherboard and a Processor) and then we were off to Dave and Busters. A Bar/Grill/Video Game Arcade, which was amazing,  We didn't get there till late so we only had 3 hours to play (By the time we left at 1am we hadn't even depleted half our game cards...)

For those of you that don't know Cleveland in Westlake is about 50 minutes from Akron, Over and Hour an 10 minutes if the Designated Driver (Who was "Sober") takes a wrong turn and we go the long boring scenic route (With no actual scenary). My brother god love him is a lightweight, he normally doesn't drink at all, but he did get a little wasted tonight...off 3 lousy corona's w/ lime After 1 he was already stumbling around and fucking up words. Ah I really wish him the best and am really going to be proud to stand there next to him in front of our family for his wedding this saturday. His wife who's bachelorette party was on the same day, came and met us in the parking lot of D&B so we could take her home..and I'm sitting in the front seat.....and she immediately throws herself at him in the back, I'm trying my best to text people or play my cell phone games, but they are fuxxoring in the backseat like it was their own bed, knocking and rubbing up against my seat, moaning/groaning even louder than the music (which was LOUD)

It' was a great evening...and not even the ride home spoiled it to much, good food...good small amount of friends and my best pal...and all the latest arcade games...It was amazing, if you've never been to D&B, you have to go, theirs one in every state at least. I'm just a little dissapointed I didn't get home till 3am....Jennie's not on to complain in to in person....but I'll catch her in the morning.

I've been having weird vivid dreams lately on an interesting note, the kind of dream that seems so real...so vivid and believable (Even if it is insanely fantastical) until somthing makes you flinch like a light or a noise...and then it's gone... the details slipping out of your fingers like grains of sand, and trying to focus on one particular part desperately trying to remember it lets a billion other parts that make the dream make sense slip by...it's frustratining...I hate waking up. As for my physical state...I've been extremely tired lately...I think I'm slipping into a funk....I'm discouraged and depressed...non-motivated...I ache and hurt everywhere when I get up no matter how little/much sleep I get I'm aways so...so tired within an hour of being awake I need to crawl into my bed again....Mum wants to take me to the doctor...

Anyway...I think I'm going to crawl into bed now...It's so easy to get carried away with these posts...all I meant to write was "I had fun with my brother tonight" and here we are....G'night everyone...I won't be up any sort of early tommorow...Probably not till noon or 2pm at least!

Later Days, Later Nights ~ Ara

Important Things and First Post.


Allright so here we go...first LJ post....I have a feeling this is going to be a bit like a first drink for a recovering alcoholic...I haven't officially blogged since my Xanga (Doesn't know if we're allowed to talk about rival blog websites) But when I sit down for a post I generally make it meaningful and worth reading, or is that pointless and without structure....I'll figure out a healthy balance somewhere down the line.

So...first order of business, I AM POOR, and yes everyones poor to some degree besides Donald Trump and lottery winners, But I've been unemployed for....6 months...half a year, and Theres been NOTHING in the job market...I mean I've had my name circulating in 4 temp agencies, over 80+ Active applications, frequently use Craigslist/Monster and I've gotten nothing, just a few interviews that haven't gone anywhere productive and it's....well it's really discouraging...especially since most peopel are like, " Why aren't you trying harder Justin" Which is really irritating, and even more discouraging. Ohio's unemployment rate is one of the highest of the 50 states, somthing like 17.5% which is...well really bad. I mean I try really hard, but I cannot MAKE people higher me. I just...theres only so much someone can do to get a job, and me with meager skills, being young competing against all the 30-40+ year old people with skills getting fired from their high paying jobs competing for the entry level positions I need to, I don't have much of a shot.

Another thing, I've been really lonely lately....my only friend (Cody) is usually busy with his other friends and his successful completely free college courses, and his sex life and relationships and bountiful friendships...We hang out as often as possible....but...I don't know, he's always talking about some new girl he's hanging out with, or the job he has that's such a pain in the ass that he doesn't want....It irks me when he complains about having a job to work at, when he knows I've been looking for so long. Yeah I'm jealous of him I'd never let him know it, but I am. I may not seem like it but I DO enjoy social interaction...via the internet or personal (Unless we're going clubbing or drinking or somthing lame, count me out of that crap) So I feel a little left out, especially since my mother decided to cut off my internet to try to break me of the horrible habit of my computer (Please shove glass shards under fingernails while your at it) Yeah I don't come out of my room occasionally...but I don't think I'm just some stranger living in the basement as she loves to refer to me as. I guess I just feel like...everyones doing better than me...I mean take my sister Jessica. She's a little spastic...but...we share the same DNA to a certain extent, and even she's ripping my ass. She get's straight A's (And always has) while I stumbled through Highschool, she's got lots of friends and aquaintances (While I'm struggling to keep the very few that I have) She's on the fasttrack to becoming a super successful doctor and is still getting Straight A's In college even with her huge workload....She's got...her future! mapped out...like...to the month, and I have no idea what will happen tommorow...I don't resent my sister...I love her and I really enjoy the very little time we get to spend with each other when she comes home to vist on random weekends. I just....sometimes I wish I was a little bit more like her in the Get-up-and-do-it-no-matter-what department.

Lifes a bit unfair at times, but we're all supposed to be able to use the support netting we have to take care of that...right? well I hope I'll find a way to get through struggling waters, I always do It seems. though hopefully It won't be with pills and a therapist, AGAIN. In lighter news I've been talking with a gal named Jennie...whom I'm really really connecting with, and WOAH WOAH WOAH JUSTIN, stop right there. Another internet trist? Yes random viewer, I've been burned by virtua-love before....and I'm going to do my absolute best to keep my optimism and enthusiasm for it to work out to a decent and controlled level...but she's funny...artistic...everything...And she's older than me, which is a first but a change I'm welcome with...your not allowed to know how old she is, but no it's not like skipped a generation or anything. So yeah...theres that. I enjoy her company....I really really do, and we've only been talking for...2 and a half weeks? but well I just light up when she signs on, theres always somthing we want to really discuss or talk about...She's very intellectual..so I guess a little blessing to keep my spirits up, let's hope it lasts shall we?

I think we'll cut it here for today, not exactly soul searching but I've said what I was thinking at the time, is that not the true nature of blogging? lets hope so

Later Days, Later Nights ~ Ara.